Week 1-Turning off autopilot
This week I was all about finding a way to turn off the autopilot. Something that I was totally ready for at this juncture of my life.Being aware and intentional seemed relatively easy but I realized quickly how often I am unaware and unintentional. It was really starting to bother me that I felt like I never had enough time for anything. I did not want to spend my days always thinking about "what's next"while also grieving the time I wasted yesterday. I was never living in the "Now."The worse part was the days and weeks moved on by regardless of what I was doing or thinking. One of my greatest fears was that one day I would look up and my kiddos would be all grown up and I would not be able to remember any of their childhood without looking at the many, many home videos my Dear Husband has created. So to say the least, this week's mindfulness focus was right on time.
Being aware of the autopilot was the first step. When I was doing the girls hair this week I purposely worked on having conversations with them. Instead of letting my mind drift off thinking about my to do list or just day dreaming of what I would do on my next day off. I broke the thought cycle by saying something. Asking them a question and patiently waiting for them to respond. I even took a couple of breaks and instead of laying on the ground face planted worrying about all I had to do after doing their hair I focused on the time I was spending with them. I embraced the chatter and the noise and the laughter in that moment. The smell of all the hair products. The greasiness of my hands from all the detangling I had done. I basically bombarded my mind with what was going on presently so the autopilot had to come off and I had to take the wheel.
The meditation focus for this week was to bring awareness to one thing at a time. It was great. 4 days last week I found about 10 minutes to get alone and practice this meditation. Bringing different parts of my body and breath into spotlight then letting it fade to the background.Being curious and not judgemental of myself in anyway was liberating. So what if my Mind wondered so many times it was hard to keep count. On a few occasions my mind was relentless! Stressing about the baby's first full day of Daycare the what if's and such but I would just gently bring my mind back to focus on my breath without out any harsh criticism of myself for not "meditating right" Using my breath as an anchor was the best. I can see why its so useful in meditation.