I recently had coffee with another mama and we laughed and bonded over the fact we don't mess with bad energy. Facts.
The truth is I used to be intolerant of folks who gave me all kinds of bad juju. If I left their presence feeling cringy inside or if I felt like they had up a bunch of defenses, I just couldn't deal. For those of us that are empathic people this energy off others that we feel acutely in our bodies is just too much. My go to coping mechanism was to just not mess with folks. lol. I mean I had enough friends, a family of my own and I didn't need to meet new people. I could just keep my circle small and keep to myself. I could continue to roll my eyes and give the "don't you dare try to come for me" stare when required and move through my life, not pressed. But something changed. I wanted to see if I could change. I wanted to be more vulnerable with my friends and loved ones and live more authentically.
So here are the two questions that helped me decide to put the gloves down and choose my response. Take a beat and figure out what I truly want and who I want to be around.
Does this person need a boundary? If I am with a person who doesn't make me feel safe. If I am triggered and I can't stay present with the emotional turmoil inside. If this person regularly brings out the worst in me and is draining. In these instances a boundary is probably needed. A hard stop. A high quality no. I am not in a place to deal with you so...goodbye, AND sometimes the goodbye needs to be final.
Does this person need transparency? Am I in a good place where I feel rested and connected with my essence. Am I able see any emotional triggers inside and sit with the tides as they rise and fall. Am I feeling safe enough to tell my story? Is my self-compassion well full where I can extend that compassion to others. If the answer is mostly yes then maybe becoming clear and letting whatever low vibes the other person is bringing to the encounter go right through you with minimal disturbance. Maybe this is an encounter you can be with, enjoy, serve someone and learn something about yourself.