I was today years old when I realized, with all the clarity in the world, that mom guilt is just another way of thinking, "I am afraid if I choose me, then….” And that, to me, sounds absolutely bat-shit crazy. Because in order to be anything for anyone, I have to take care of my basic mental, emotional, physical, and social needs.
For years, I thought it was enough to meet just my physical needs—having a roof over my head, food in my belly (most of the time), and the ability to show up as the ever-present, nourishing mama for my girls. WRONG.
I was severely lacking in other vital areas—mentally, emotionally, and socially (and in my case, my “anti-social” needs as well). So how did I deal with the inner conflict of needing to meet these needs while confronting the sometimes-paralyzing weight of mom guilt?
Well, what’s the most effective way to handle fear, which is what mom guilt ultimately is?
You face it down with love.
1. I Gave Myself Pep Talks (Lots of Them)
I started treating mom guilt like a visitor. I personified it—acknowledging its presence but not letting it rule my decisions. When I booked a solo getaway weekend, when I took a walk alone instead of joining the “family walks,” when I chose to sit in silence while my husband and kids played—I let guilt sit beside me.
And then I reminded it (and myself) of this truth: Saying no sometimes and choosing myself is necessary. If I want to be the nurturer my family needs, I must first nurture myself.
2. I Call Upon My Divine Mothers
In my darkest nights of postpartum depression, I had a revelation that changed everything. I had always unconsciously related to God as male. But in that deep, raw moment, God revealed itself to me in female form. Since then, divine feminine energy has shown up for me again and again, guiding me like a mother—reminding me that I have everything I need for my children to thrive.
When guilt creeps in, I call upon this divine wisdom, tuning out external noise and turning inward, where true wisdom lives.
3. I Reframed My Guilt as a Sign of Deep Love
I stopped fighting mom guilt and started understanding it. If guilt was showing up, it meant I deeply cared. It meant I wanted to give my kids the best of me. But instead of letting it shame me into depletion, I started using it as a signal—a reminder to check in with myself.
When guilt arose, I asked:
➡️ Am I truly doing something harmful, or am I just afraid of prioritizing myself?
➡️ Would I want my children to neglect their needs the way I sometimes neglect mine?
➡️ How can I turn this guilt into fuel for better self-care?
Mom guilt is not a verdict—it's an opportunity to realign with the truth: A well-nourished mother raises well-nourished children.
Give Yourself Permission to Choose You
If you’re reading this and feeling the weight of guilt, let this be your sign: You are enough. You deserve care. You are not failing. In fact, by prioritizing yourself, you are showing your children what it means to live with wholeness, self-respect, and deep love.
If you’re on this journey of healing, motherhood, and self-discovery, join our community of mamas who are learning to nurture themselves as fiercely as they nurture their families. Subscribe to the blog for weekly encouragement, insights, and sisterhood.
Let’s grow together. 💛
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